On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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