do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
