Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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