Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In America we eat man semen.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
