so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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