I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
