I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
