I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
