this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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