she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
