A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
