Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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