I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
