You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize