I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
