I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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