Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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