Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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