smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
