I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
