So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
