Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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