Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
