I'm going to jail i love you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
