The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
