Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
did i just pee glitter
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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