peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
