Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
