i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
