i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
