is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
