Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
