I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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