I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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