We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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