Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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