im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
