I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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