I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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