Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
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but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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