so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
