direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
