i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize