im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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