I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
