you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
