sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
