yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
