Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
