i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
