my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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