I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
