so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
