So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
