So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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