nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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