So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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