the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
