haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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