I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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