i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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