Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
