The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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