the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My ass is underappreciated
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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