I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
