Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
