question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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