shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
