Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize