first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
