Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
