I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
