I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
