i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
