Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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