i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
