Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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