I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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